IFS and participatory events.
Facilitating inside and outside
At IFS collective, we love and organise participatory events, like the upcoming (at the time of this writing) unconference . I (Alex) arrived to Internal Family Systems after many years of facilitation, teaching workshops, and co-organizing events. I found in IFS a way to bring together and apply to myself, my own process, and so other people as individuals, the skills I developed in many years of learning how to "allow people to connect in a more authentic way" (please note that you can never MAKE people connect: we can remove blockages, and allow it to happen. It often does). Conversely, IFS now also informs the way I facilitate and deal with groups of individuals, allowing me to be more aware and welcoming of their parts.
I have been trying to write about the way we can bring IFS competencies to facilitation, and facilitation experience to IFS (for ourselves seen as a collective of parts), and I kept on getting stuck on "why should people care?" and "do people know what a participatory event is?".
So here is my "what is a participatory event?" for future reference.
The way I see it, it is an event where the participants, well, participate. It is different from going to the theater, or even to a conference, or even to a class: what happens in the event depends on what the participants bring.
Not just in the normal way that any event depends somewhat on the participants: the whole experience is co-created.
One format I particularly appreciate is "open space technology", used in most unconferences: the organizers offer a location, an open canvas to offer sessions, a time schedule, a central point to coordinate what is happening (called “the marketplace”), and some help in getting things moving.
That's mostly it: everything else that happens is brought by the participants. No one really knows what will happen, and if someone wants something to happen, they are encouraged to propose it and co-create it.
When things work well and flow, the facilitators, similarly to what happens when supporting an IFS process, seem not to be doing much. Things just happen. Good things. Things flow.
What are examples of participatory events?
As said, unconferences, but this does not help much if we have never been to one. My first experiences were at the European Juggling Convention, and events for open source (h)activists. A good party is one possible example: participants bring good, maybe music, ideas, games. Events inspired by Burning Man (called Burns) are another example: most of what happens is brought by participants and volunteers, and the organization mostly makes sure that people will be safe (enough) and supported (enough). Jazz and dance jams are other examples.
That said, what do I find in common between participatory events and IFS?
- there is no agenda.
We can propose topics, we can arrive with an idea of what we think will happen, maybe even with desires about what we would want to happen, but what happens is what wants to happen, what the moment calls for.
At times, we arrive at a session thinking we will tackle what has been with us all week, and we end up following something totally different that is alive in that moment. (Or, worse, we try to follow what we have decided is important, only to realize it is not alive or important) In the same way, we can join an event thinking we will dance ourselves to exhaustion, and we end up talking about something incredibly geeky in the corner for hours, feeling totally satisfied by it.
- the space and the container are incredibly important.
Think about some situations with people, when things weren't flowing. Maybe even with friends of family members, or a bad party. Can you recall a moment when something changed, and things started flowing, being warmer? Maybe during a conflict with a partner, or with a friend.
Nothing really changed: the people are still there, the same. But something changed, and things feel better. More open.
I tend to know when a group, and event is open, or closed. I think we all do: do we feel welcome, can we approach people, do things flow, or do things feel stuck and tense?
I feel that this is similar to "Self energy": when the container is open, when we are more in Self, whatever is there is welcome, easy to process, it can flow and transform. Also, it feels nicer.
- everyone is welcome (with limits).
In most participatory events, and in all the ones I co-organize, everyone is welcome, but not everything. What we request is that people follow some agreements of behavior: no personal attacks, no direct conflicts, no aggression, being consensual, not taking all the time and space, not blaming, respecting others, respecting the times, not taking what is not given.
(In the events I organize about "how to make this thing we call life work", I also request people to share about personal experiences, not just about ideas, "how things should be". I think this applies also to IFS)
I find this model works perfectly well with IFS: all parts are welcome, no part is intrinsically wrong or bad, and at the same time, we ask the parts to listen to others, not to take control of the whole system, and to be open to try something new.
- everyone is invited to work together and cooperate.
As I noted before, a participatory event is co-created, it happens because people bring together ideas and possibilities, share, learn from each other, get inspired.
At the same time, I feel a good IFS session is when parts start working together, understanding each other, supporting each other.
(This does not mean we should feel bad if it does not feel good, or fun. It just can happen. At times)
Maybe not always, it is often enough that they stop fighting each other: but my experience of a well integrated system has parts cooperating, informing, and supporting each other.
- openings and endings are important.
Participatory events do not have a clear program about what will be covered, and at times can feel overwhelming, everything happening at once, too many possibilities. Similarly, in many IFS sessions, there is a point when we feel "there is so much going on", so many parts, so many stories.
It is important to allow the system to open up at the beginning, and to help the system find closure towards the end.
- when it works, it's fun.
That a participatory party can be fun is no big surprise. That a gathering to talk with people "how to deal with insomnia" can be fun is a bit more surprising. That a therapy or coaching session can be fun doesn't seem to be everyone's expectation.
And yet it can be: when things are open, when we approach things with curiosity and playfulness, almost anything can be fun. With limits. Not always. And it does not mean it has to be: making things fun on purpose can be a defense, after all.
(I am still working on "I am having so much fun dealing with bureaucracy and paying taxes", though)
There is more, but I feel it becomes less generally applicable to most participatory events and most IFS sessions.
Soon: the similarities between facilitating a participatory event, and supporting an IFS session.
If this makes you curious about IFS, participatory events, and the space in between, join our Unconference.