Who’s on Your Inner Team?

Instead of waiting for them to appear, invite them in: a proactive practice to get to know parts of our system, and try new ways to work together

In many cases, parts work, especially in Internal Family Systems (IFS), focuses on addressing what is present in the moment or emerging in specific situations (like the fire drill or our lifemapping technique¹), with what we are currently struggling with, or even what we have previously worked on..
This approach is effective and necessary, but it can feel reactive.

Before encountering IFS, I (Alex) explored several traditions that incorporate parts work in different ways. These include Feeding Your Demons (inspired by Tibetan Buddhism), conjuring egregores (from Western Magick), Deity yoga (from Buddhist Tantra), and Focusing.
In some of these traditions, we go looking for parts/aspects of ourselves, or we invite them, or even (bear with me) kind-of-create them.

Here is a tool I use, myself and with others, to get to know our parts by calling them by role, to invite them to join the team, to get to know what they want and need and do, and, if possible, to find a way to work together in a way that supports the system and minimizes (inner) conflict. Because even if all parts mean well (for us), we know that at times what they do is problematic.

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As a teaser: I will very very probably host a version of this practice.
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Parts roll call

A roll call is “the process of calling out a list of names to establish who is present”.
What about doing it with our parts, in addition to waiting for them to appear?

A meditation I love from the Mahamudra tradition of Vajrayana Tibetan Buddhism² is the one often named Tilopa’s “Six words of advice” or “Six words to find peace” (in Tibetan, it consists of six words).

Photo by petr sidorov on Unsplash

The six instructions for meditation are:

Don’t recall / Letting go of past
Don’t imagine / Letting go of imagining the future
Don’t think / Letting go of the present
Don’t examine / Letting go of analyzing
Don’t control / Letting go of controlling
Rest.

I adapted and shared it³ as “6 parts meditation”, going in the very quick form:

For each of the first five steps, we connect with the parts related to or dealing with that aspect of life, invite them in, thank them for their work, and ask if they are needed right now. If they aren’t, we invite them to take a seat beside us and rest.

For example:

“We all have parts that think about the past—learning from it, avoiding mistakes, longing for something, or regretting something else. Invite them in.
They are great, they are needed: without remembering the past, it is hard to learn, to function.
Thank them for the hard work.
And ask them to check if it is needed right now. If the past can, for just a little while, stay there, without us worrying about it.
If so, invite them to join you, to take a seat at your side, to rest”

With some variations, it is similar for all other clusters parts, the ones that try to foresee the future and remember what to do (hi shopping list part), the ones that check the present if we are safe, hot, cold, hungry, in pain, the ones that try to understand what is happening, the ones that want to change things.

I also invite other parts, the ones present but not named: what are you doing? Is it needed right now? Can it wait for a little while?
If so: take a seat at my side, and rest.

The “6 parts meditation” I lead uses this process to make space, a bit like the Focusing technique of making/clearing space, so that we can unblend, rest in Self/presence, then invite a specific part.

But there is another possibility, the one I we cover here: let’s invite the parts that focus on some aspect of life, and let’s get to know them.

They can be some of the parts above, the ones about the past, the future, checking the present, about controlling, about understanding.
Please note I talk about parts here, plural. We all probably have several parts dealing with all of the above, of different level of integration and maturity and skill.
Invite them all.

Other aspects of life

I suspect that past, present, future, analyzing, change, and “everything else” cover most of life. However, we can also focus on more specific aspects.
We can decide to explore the parts of you tackling other aspects of life, for example: the parts that

- work to obtain a goal, or emerge when we have a goal
- emerge when we encounter an obstacle, the ones when we are stuck, then ones that
- lash out, the ones that feel stuck
- desire, deal with pleasure, wanting
- emerge when we are sad or hurt
- distract ourselves, procrastinate, seek deliverance
- want to be a good person
- want to rebel
and of course many, many others. Probably something emerged in your system while reading this, either going “me, me, pay attention to me”, or some curiosity, “hmm… I wonder about that”.

Photo by Noelle Rebekah on Unsplash

The idea is to explore the parts of our system that handle this aspect of life—what they do, when they function best, and what they need to support us. The goal is to build a relationship with them, or at least develop mutual trust and respect.⁴

The practice itself

To start with

Choose an aspect of life to work on

As a recommendation: while learning, do not choose the hardest thing possible. If your past really hurts, maybe leave it for another time. If you are really worried about the future, maybe that’s not what to start with. The parts dealing with that are present, and either activated, or easily reactive.
Choose something easier to start with. See how it works. Play in “easy mode” at first.
The hard bits can wait, for now. ⁵
See the list above for inspiration.

Make some space

Kindly ask other parts for space. You can use the 6 parts meditation above, or check inside for how you feel about this. Search for enough openness and spaciousness (a “critical mass of Self energy”⁶) to stay with the exploration.
The same way it is not great to invite a friend to visit us to start a fight with them, try not to invite parts you want to argue with.
Having some questions is fine: this is why we want to get to know them.
But if you have other parts that are very activated, first work with them.
We are doing proactive work. We are strolling around our system, not looking for a fire exit.

When you feel unblended and grounded enough

Call the parts dealing with that aspect of life

Again, we are probably talking about multiple parts, cluster of parts.
As an example, when we focus on the future, what parts emerge?

Some parts that generally try to remember if we forgot something we will need to do?
Some parts look forward things? Parts dreading things to come? Parts trying to predict what will happen, and how to adapt? Parts trying to control the future by worrying really, really hard? Parts that shut down? Parts that feel very sad because “it will never be as good as it was”?
Anything else?

Nudge your mind in that direction. Notice what happens in your system.

Feel in or around your body the different parts dealing with that, and how they interact or dance or react with other parts: the ones that work as a team, the ones that cringe, the ones that brace themselves, the ones that go “no, no, no”, and more.

When we are working on our own, it can help to make a list, keeping things somewhat more grounded. Or to draw.Or mindmapping/lifemapping.

Now choose one of those parts, or a few that fit well together.
Staying with the future: maybe the ones that plan and scheme and make lists and try to remember the things we need to do.

Getting to know those parts

For this, take as much time as you can, and want. At least as much as needed by the parts to connect.
These are parts that are somewhat known, at least a bit. They were not to hard to access, they tend to act and do things (in IFS, they mostly tend to be protectors).

Incline your mind towards that aspect of life, towards that way of approaching it.
Recall how it first appeared, during the “roll call”.
What happens in your system? In or around your body? Do you prepare to act? To contract? Do you see something? Do you tell yourself something?
Anything else?

Stay with that.
Greet these parts of yourself, in whatever way it makes sense to you. Maybe just say “hello”. Extend a friendly curiosity to those parts, express a desire to getting to know them.
Now take that aspect, that feeling, and explore how it has been in the past. You can try asking those parts: “what have you done in the past?” or just let your memory wander.

Explore aspects of those parts, and of their tasks.

Keeping the future, and scheming/planning, as an example: what happened in the past that engaged those scheming parts?

Here are some possible direction of exploration and inquiry, about when those parts were present:

What do they do?

We more or less know what they do, since we called them from the task.
Explore anyway. Try asking: what do you really do?
What is your real task?
Think about someone you see at work, at school, at a shop: you see them often, you think you know what they do. Maybe they do much more. Maybe what they think is important in what they do is different from what you noticed.

What is important about that?

What happens if they don’t do what they do?

What do they care about?

What do they want? Need? For you, your system, themselves. Maybe even the world?

What happens if they don’t get what they need? If you do not get what they care about?

How do you notice them?

How do you notice them when they are integrated, at their best?
How do you notice them when they blend, they take over, they get activated?

When did it work?

I want to put a reminder: we are not working with parts that are only problematic.
We are dealing with parts, cluster of parts, that deal with aspects of life.
I expect at times, things worked out fine.

Ask the parts to share with you. Or allow your memory to bring you there.

Notice the situations. Take note.
How did it feel before, during, after?
Make sure to thank your parts and your system for a job well done.
Take some time for this.

When did it fail to work, or when did it work poorly?

If we live long enough, we fail. The best performers fail. It happens. It does not feel good, but we can learn from it.

Ask the parts to share, without blame or shame: we want to learn together.
Think about a team learning to work together. What worked? What didn’t?

What were the conditions that make it not work? Could have it worked?

What were the conditions that made it work instead?

Also: they shared what would happen if they do not do what they normally do.
Did it actually happen?
If not: ask them if they know.
If it did, all the times: they really have a point. Let them know.

When are they at their best?

Are there patterns? Are there lessons to be learned?
What are the conditions that help doing a good job?

Appreciate the memories of them being at their best.
Congratulate them and yourself.
Take a moment for this.

Who do they work with? Who do they work against? Who do they protect?

I like talking about the inner team.
Who do they like working with? What parts of the system do they dislike, or are they disliked by?

Asking who they protect is another way to approach “what happens if they do not do what they do”.

What do they like doing?

Hopefully, there are parts of their tasks and jobs they like. Maybe not everything. Maybe not all the time.
Maybe there are other things they also like doing. Some seem connected, some less so.

Ask them. Explore. Allow your memories to emerge.

This is a moment when you could go “ah” and notice that maybe there is a playful aspect of making lists that you never noticed before, it happened undercover.

Take a moment and stay with what you found out so far.

Check if everything is fine in your system. If some parts of yourself are activated, or pushing. If there is an agenda.
If possible, ask those parts ti give some space, to see what happens.

Putting things together

Ask the parts you have been exploring if they would want to be more of a team, with you, with other parts of the system.

If so, how can you make use of what you have been learning so far?

How can they perform at their best, how can they do more of what they like doing and are good at doing?
How can we avoid what makes them contract, lash out, blend?
How can we have less of that? Are they OK with that? Would they like it?
What would help to work together with these parts, what conditions would allow them not to feel the need to take over?

Please note: whatever part we are working with, we are not trying to make that part go away. We want to cultivate the aspects that work well with the rest of our system (and the world around us), that align with what they care, aligned with what we care.

Parts and aspects of life don’t disappear—but we have good, and we have bad days.
Let’s increase the likelihood of good ones.

Make it clear with them: we are not trying to get rid of them.
We want to work together, support them, get other parts to support them.
And be proud of them…

What condition can we create to have them be at their best?
What other parts can take different tasks? How?
Ask the parts you are exploring first. Then invite the other parts.
Usually they will ones you already know about.

This is how you start building your inner Avenger team.Or X-men. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A-Team.⁷

Involving other parts

If the parts above want to cooperate, be a team, invite the other parts they point to.
(in my experience, it happens with already unburdened or well integrated parts. I never met any part that wanted to cooperate with an out of control or scary part)
Check with these other parts. Are they OK with that?
If so, introduce them to each other.⁸
Let them share with each other.
(I know this sounds weird. Give it a try. After all, we are already working with a model that involves talking with imaginary friends. Invite them to talk with each other and see what happens)
Allow them to scheme/find ways to work together.

As an example: a “keeping track of everything that could go wrong” wants to chill more, jump into action only if needed, scheming when needed, and gently planning the future every now and then.
For that, the part needs support from an outlook part (that used to be hypervigilant), trusting that part to warn the system if there was any REAL problem to be solved, and from the “listing and noting things down” part, to avoid having to scheme about knowable but forgotten things.

Generally, asking a part to do what they like doing and are good at doing for the system, works well, above all if that doesn’t mean they have to be on all the time, and doing things they are not good at.

A bit like full humans, to be honest.

Agreeing on trying new things

Now, try checking:
how could they make themselves known in an easy/nice way? How can you work together, or with other parts?
How can you check in with them?

Try some agreements. Propose some experiments.
Try brainstorming together—daydream, reflect on past experiences, and imagine what could work.

Try to have at least an experiment, a tentative agreement, to try.
(More could be better, but too many is not better. No more than 3)

Check with your system. Is there any “but”? Can it be helped?
Would it help framing things as an experiment, a temporary thing?
If a part goes ”but it won’t work, it never worked!”, check again: could this time be different? How?

Try to get to an agreement.

Make it an experiment

A note on experiments

We talk about “make this an experiment” a lot.
The cool things of experiments is that they never fail. They always succeed: at times, they succeed in telling us “that did not work”.
That is fine. That is the point. Collect enough information about what doesn’t work, and sooner or later you will stumble on something that works.
(Or you will realize you are trying the impossible. That is also good to know)

Make them limited: limited in time (1 to 4 weeks). Limited in scope. Limited in consequences. At least as a start.
(Also it seems like it takes 3-4 weeks for habits to form. Or so I read)

Agree on when to check in.
Agree on possible results.

Then do the experiment. And see what happens.

Closing

Note the agreements, note the experiments. Set timers or intention or journal.
Thank those parts.
Thank everyone else the gave space.
Thank and congratulate yourself.

Take some time, appreciate the space.

That’s it.

Let us know what happens if you try this.

Commercial notice, as usual: if you want support in getting to know your parts, trailheads, and explore your system, you can book a session with us.

Again, we are hosting a Parts Work Unconference on the 5th of April 2025. It’s free. I (Alex) will host a live version of this process. Come!

1. my funny part would want to add a [TM] there.
There is no [TM], all other parts want to make sure you know

2. sorry for the mouthful

3. (not here, not recorded: one day, I hope)

4. a kind of beginner friendship

5. if they cannot, I recommend other exploration practices, again, like lifemapping, fire drill, or other parts work meditation. Or journaling. Or asking for help.

6. just enough Self energy, openness, curiosity, clarity, to connect with your system

7. choose your own metaphor

8. if not, this could take some more work. Be curious about why, and do not pressure them